danny rosenberg
sr. copywriter

Soggy Waffles

Welcome to Soggy Waffles. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the write-up. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online.

 And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

1 = The Frozen Waffle. The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. That bite was so traumatizing that you it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

 2 = The Soggy Waffle. You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

3 = The Microwaved Waffle. This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

 4 = The Crispy Waffle. Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This is the type of movie that cracks into your End-of-Year best list, but doesn’t quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

5 = The Toasty Waffle. This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious. You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Welcome to Soggy Waffles Reviews. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the review. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online. And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-08.png

1. The Frozen Waffle

The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. The whole experience is so traumatizing that it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-07.png

2. The Soggy Waffle

You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-03.png

3. The Microwaved Waffle

This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-02.png

4. The Crispy Waffle

Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This rating is reserved for the movise that crack into your End-of-Year best lists but don't quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-01.png

5. The Perfectly Toasted Waffle

This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious (but obviously you still do). You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

2021 in Review

Much has happened in the world during the year-and-a-half hiatus I’ve taken from writing reviews on Soggy Waffles. To name a few things: 

Joe Biden was elected president. 

I got glasses. 


And Travis Barker has single-handedly revived the genre I never stopped listening to over the past 15 years. The girls who get it, get it. 

A lot of people have asked me – if I’d known the last review I’d write on my site for over 1.5 years would be a double feature on Palm Springs and Greyhound, would I have done anything differently? The answer to that question is: What’s Greyhound? 

One of my resolutions for 2022 is to revamp Soggy Waffles, but to be more cognizant of my original mission to keep reviews to a paragraph or two at maximum. When I originally started Soggy Waffles, my goal was to keep reviews short and sweet; flex a little critical thinking and move on. But somewhere along the way, I found myself writing four- and five- paragraph reviews (egregious) and regurgitating the opinions of actual critics (wtf) instead of bringing my own perspective to the discourse. Lame!

I consumed a lot of pop culture this year, movies and otherwise. So before I turn the Soggy Waffles sights onto 2022, I thought it would be fitting to recap the highlights of 2021. Without further ado, here’s the 2021 Perfectly Toasted Year in Review.

SHIVA, BABY

Conflicting sources say this movie came out in both 2020 and 2021, but for the sake of this list I’m calling it 2021. I watched a lot of movies this year, but Shiva Baby stands out as the funniest, most Jewish and weirdly thrilling way to spend ~80 minutes of your time. Highly recommend.

SURVIVORS GUILT

KennyHoopla was barely on my radar before 2021, but I knew from the moment I finished listening to his project with Travis Barker that it would be my favorite album of the year. SURVIVORS GUILT came out in the spring, but my prediction held true (or was just a self-fulfilling prophecy?) in a year that also gave us albums from Kayne, Tyler AND Vince Staples. So that’s really saying something.

YEARBOOK

I read a lot of memoirs and essay collections, so of course I was thrilled to pick up a copy of my friend Seth’s book. I read 55/52 books this year (s/o Goodreads), and Seth’s uproarious sense of humor and knack for storytelling made Yearbook a sure standout. Seth’s voice in his writing is unmistakable – what makes Yearbook so good is that it genuinely feels like Seth is sitting in the room telling you all these stories, which range from tales of growing up in a Jewish family in Vancouver to the time he auditioned for the role of Cheddar Bob in 8 Mile alongside Jason Segel. As a good friend of Seth’s in real life, I’d of course heard most of these stories before… but something about seeing them in writing made them extra special. This man is going to take over the world one day, and I’m happy I can be by his side to see it.

RED ROCKET

Red Rocket might be my favorite movie of the year, but I also might just be saying that because I don’t want to sound like everyone else when I say that it was actually Licorice Pizza. I knew it would be tough for Sean Baker to follow up The Florida Project, one of my favorite movies of all time (though apparently not favorite enough to have a coveted spot on my Letterboxd profile), but with Red Rocket he does not disappoint. The Scary-Movie-3-to-Oscar-hopeful pipeline is alive and well with Simon Rex, who gives IMO the performance of the year and lifetime as a manic ex-ish pornstar down on his luck in Texas City, Texas. He’s truly magnetic when he’s onscreen. You can’t look away, no matter how hard you may try.

THIS DISSECT PODCAST T-SHIRT

2021 was the year of the oversized graphic tee for me, so I’d like to pay respect to this personal fashion moment with one of my favorite finds of the year. I wore the shit out of this Dissect podcast tee all summer and fall, and many times I found myself wishing I’d gotten a second and third in case something happens to this one. Podcast merch should not go this hard.

PEN15 

Avid Soggy Waffles readers know I have a tendency to wax hyperbolic in my reviews, but I mean it when I say that Pen15 will go down as one of my favorite shows of all time. Top 5? Possibly. Top 10? Probably. Top 20? For sure, no question. It’s heartwarming and hilarious, juvenile but mature and full of the 2000s nostalgia that zillennials (lol) like me have come to crave like an addiction. I will never get over the lunacy of two 30-year-olds playing straight alongside an all-teenager cast. I’m laughing right now even thinking about it.


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