danny rosenberg
sr. copywriter

Soggy Waffles

Welcome to Soggy Waffles. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the write-up. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online.

 And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

1 = The Frozen Waffle. The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. That bite was so traumatizing that you it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

 2 = The Soggy Waffle. You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

3 = The Microwaved Waffle. This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

 4 = The Crispy Waffle. Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This is the type of movie that cracks into your End-of-Year best list, but doesn’t quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

5 = The Toasty Waffle. This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious. You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Welcome to Soggy Waffles Reviews. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the review. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online. And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-08.png

1. The Frozen Waffle

The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. The whole experience is so traumatizing that it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-07.png

2. The Soggy Waffle

You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-03.png

3. The Microwaved Waffle

This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-02.png

4. The Crispy Waffle

Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This rating is reserved for the movise that crack into your End-of-Year best lists but don't quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-01.png

5. The Perfectly Toasted Waffle

This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious (but obviously you still do). You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Mid90s

mid2.jpeg
Rating: Perfectly Toasted.

Rating: Perfectly Toasted.

I left the theater

Looking over my shoulder

So’s not to get beat.

I didn’t wake up today thinking I was going to see “Mid90s” tonight, but I’m so glad I did. Usually I’m much more meticulous about my movies plans, but there are so many movies I want to see right now that I couldn’t possibly see them all without a little spontaneity. And while I’ve sadly let “First Man” and “Halloween” fall to the wayside for the time being, I couldn’t let the same happen to “Mid90s.” I’ve been looking forward to this one ever since I first heard about the A24 / Jonah Hill collab, and it did not disappoint. Jonah Hill has starred in some of my favorite movies over the past years (“Get Him To The Greek”, “This is the End,” ) and my favorite movie of all time (“Superbad”), and if “Mid90s” is any indication of his future behind the camera, well, we’re all in for a treat.

“Mid90s” is a special movie because of the way it transports its viewers to a specific time and place. And I’m not just talking about the ’90s, though it does a very good job of that. (“Mid90s” doesn’t feel like a nostalgic trip back a few decades, it feels like it was made in the nineties.) I’m talking about being a kid, plain and simple – that burning desire to find your people, to be comfortable in your own skin, to have real, good friends. Some of us are lucky to find a group we fit into at a young age, some people never find their people. “Mid90s” perfectly captures what it feels like when you do find your people.

That’s largely in part due to the incredible bunch of newcomers that Hill and his team assembled.  Every kid is unique and likable in his own right, and no one feels like an afterthought or whatever the word is for the opposite of fleshed out. But of course, the weight of the film falls on the shoulders of newcomer Sunny Suljic, whose performance would undoubtedly make or break the movie. Well, it’s safe to say that nothing about this movie is broken, though Sunny is definitely its “break” out star (winky face). As Stevie, he wears his emotions on his sleeve, and I mean that in the most endearing way possible. When Stevie bursts into a smile simply because an older kid asked him to fill up a water jug, you can’t help but smile right along with him. When he’s giddy relaying the details of his first hookup with his friends, you’re laughing, too. He’s simply infectious.

 Of course, “Mid90s isn’t without its faults, though they were relatively minor in my book. The movie is all over the place tonally, and that’s kind of frustrating when it’s only 84 minutes long and things are moving so fast. That didn’t really bother me though, because the movie is just meant to be a snapshot of Sunny’s life, and life is messy like that. My only other complete is the misuse of Lucas Hedges. Hedges has emerged as one of my favorite actors since “Manchester By The Sea,” but something about his performance just didn’t sit right with me. It felt mostly one-dimensional, and against type for him. I’m not saying that I want him to get typecast, but this just felt like too drastic of a departure from the roles he’s been playing. Or maybe I just didn’t like him as much because he didn’t have time to fully explore the character in an 84-minute movie. I don’t know, I’m probably talking out of my ass.

My advice? Run, don’t walk. Though there’s so many beatdowns in the movie that I walked out afraid someone was going to beat me up, I also walked out of the theater knowing that I had just experienced one of my favorite movies of the year. I immediately wished I could watch it over again for the first time.

In Theaters, Perfectly ToastedGuest User