danny rosenberg
sr. copywriter

Soggy Waffles

Welcome to Soggy Waffles. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the write-up. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online.

 And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

1 = The Frozen Waffle. The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. That bite was so traumatizing that you it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

 2 = The Soggy Waffle. You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

3 = The Microwaved Waffle. This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

 4 = The Crispy Waffle. Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This is the type of movie that cracks into your End-of-Year best list, but doesn’t quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

5 = The Toasty Waffle. This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious. You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Welcome to Soggy Waffles Reviews. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the review. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online. And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-08.png

1. The Frozen Waffle

The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. The whole experience is so traumatizing that it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-07.png

2. The Soggy Waffle

You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-03.png

3. The Microwaved Waffle

This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-02.png

4. The Crispy Waffle

Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This rating is reserved for the movise that crack into your End-of-Year best lists but don't quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-01.png

5. The Perfectly Toasted Waffle

This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious (but obviously you still do). You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Blindspotting

blind2.jpg
Rating: Perfectly Toasted.

Rating: Perfectly Toasted.

An interesting take

On heightened gun violence and

Those left in its wake.

“Blindspotting” is a powerful movie-of-the-moment, a wholly original take on the rippling effects of gun violence in the current age we’re living in – and if it doesn’t crack the top 10 on your end of the year lists, then your list means nothing to me.

Let me start by saying that Daveed Diggs is a bona fide star in the making. His charisma is contagious. But of course, if you’ve heard anything he graces on the Hamilton OBCR, you already know this. He co-wrote and stars in “Blindspotting” with his old pal Rafael Casal, which is something I learned in preparation for writing this (I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know every fucking thing about Daveed Diggs), and the result is something that feels as personal and auteuristic (sp?) as anything I’ve ever seen by the likes of Scorcese or Kubrick. From the Oakland backdrop to the rap influences permeating the script and soundtrack, it’s clear that Diggs and Casal had an unwavering vision when crafting this film. That’s arguably its greatest strength but also its greatest weakness – talk about a double-edged sword!

Now, I say that Diggs and Casal’s vision “Blindspotting” is its greatest strength because of its refreshing take on race, guns, violence and, well, gun violence. I thought it was really interesting how the shooting that Collin (Diggs) witnesses at the beginning of the movie is important to his psyche and obviously (hardly a SPOILER but) haunts him right up until the end of the movie, but the shooting itself is never central to the plot or moving the story forward. You’d expect it to be at the center of the movie, but it never felt like it was.

That being said, their unwavering vision is also its greatest flaw, as the movie could have benefited from a bit of vision-wavering at the end. I’m going to make this as spoiler-free as possible, but I will say that Collin does a bit of surreal-esque rapping that sort of-ish breaks the fourth wall in the most intense and otherwise completely realistic scene of the movie, and while of course the rapping was great, because as I’ve established, Daveed Diggs is the fucking man, the rap completely took me out of the moment. I get what they were trying to do, and I appreciate them sticking to their guns and seeing their vision all the way through – but the rapping just did absolutely nothing for me. It completely dismantles the tension that the rest of the movie worked so hard to build. I was on the edge of my seat, nay hovering, only to fall back on my ass as all the apprehension was completely sucked out of the moment. 

But despite an underwhelming ending, “Blindspotting” is not a movie to overlook as you begin to play catch up with all the movies you missed this year. I can’t believe I missed it in theaters. I would have loved to see it as nature intended: in a theater, in Oakland, with my new pal Daveed Diggs by my side, or at least somewhere in the same zip code.

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