danny rosenberg
sr. copywriter

Soggy Waffles

Welcome to Soggy Waffles. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the write-up. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online.

 And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

1 = The Frozen Waffle. The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. That bite was so traumatizing that you it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

 2 = The Soggy Waffle. You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

3 = The Microwaved Waffle. This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

 4 = The Crispy Waffle. Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This is the type of movie that cracks into your End-of-Year best list, but doesn’t quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

5 = The Toasty Waffle. This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious. You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Welcome to Soggy Waffles Reviews. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the review. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online. And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-08.png

1. The Frozen Waffle

The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. The whole experience is so traumatizing that it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-07.png

2. The Soggy Waffle

You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-03.png

3. The Microwaved Waffle

This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-02.png

4. The Crispy Waffle

Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This rating is reserved for the movise that crack into your End-of-Year best lists but don't quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-01.png

5. The Perfectly Toasted Waffle

This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious (but obviously you still do). You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Game Night

game night.jpg
Rating: Microwaved.

Rating: Microwaved.

A proclaimed “thriller,”

This comedy fares best when

Going for the laughs.

In a world where “Black Panther,” doesn’t exist, I could confidently say that “Game Night” is the most fun you’ll have at the movies in February. But since Black Panther does exist (and it’s fun AF), I’ll just say that “Game Night” is some of the most fun you’ll have at the movies in February. While my mom and I don’t see that many studio comedies in theaters together, there wasn’t much else playing this Mom’s weekend, so we were both game, hehe. And you know, what? We actually both loved it, and it was the exact type of escapism we needed. The plot is twisty, the pop culture-laden jokes come fast, and while I wouldn’t say everything lands, all the big gags do. And somehow, they’re even more gut-busting than they have the right to be.

At least for me, what makes “Game Night” better than your average Good Adults Behaving Badly studio comedy (I’m looking at you, “The House”) is the “Is it real, or is it?” premise of the movie. This allows the script to be filled with twists and turns, and it keeps you guessing like a novel with an untrustworthy narrator. And unlike “The House” (you can tell I wasn’t a fan), all the actors here are game, hehe, for a good time. For starters, Rachel McAdams is magnetic onscreen and radiates with comedic energy. And I know people either love Jason Bateman or hate him, and if you fall into the latter, maybe this lively role will help you appreciate his deadpan sense of humor. Before I go, there’s just one SPOILER I have to mention. I’m sure it must’ve been hard to figure out how a movie as layered as “Game Night” would end, but I was practically jumping out of my seat cheering when Michael C. Hall was revealed to be the movie’s true villain. The choice was so campy and so perfect, and in a movie full of them, I couldn’t think of a better twist for “Game Night” to take.

 

 

In Theaters, MicrowavedGuest User